I'm done

I like achieving. I find the process of mastering something hard, absorbing.
 
I was a piano stud in high school. My senior year I transferred to the big music school across town, where I played for classes and rehearsals 8 hours a day. I went to State in the piano competitions. I rented a theatre and gave a 2-hour senior recital. I had my own jazz band I composed for. To cap it off -- well, after a year off-- I got into Oberlin College & Conservatory of Music.
 
Then one day I felt this little voice go, "I'm done." And I was. I was done with piano.
 
It's happened again. After 7 years of theatre, the little voice has said, "I'm done."
 
I don't know if I'm done with theatre. But I'm done with theatre THIS way. And I'm done with ONLY theatre. Wherever my path leads next, it's time to set up the whole life. 
 
I just read Agatha Christie's autobiography. She lived from 1890 - 1976. It was like reading three women's lives, the world changed so much. She wrote her first 9 or 10 books for money. For pocket money, almost. She didn't consider herself a writer, so much as she had this handy talent that paid a bit when you needed it. It took a long time before she considered herself a writer. And even then, she still mostly considered herself a person living her life. Her life just happened to contain making a book or two each year.
 
I have callouses on my knees from directing. I kneel to watch the actors. It occurred to me yesterday that, as long as the callouses are there, I have a core of practice in my life.
 
What happens when that little voice says, "I'm done" is the whole world falls away. Everything is new, and possible again.